I And I...

Someone asked me to stop writing in-depth posts in favour of something more simple and about myself which I've failed to do most of the times.My argument on how extremely uninteresting I am didn't go down to well so I shall grant her,her wish just this once at least.It's very hard for me because whenever I look at myself in mirror,the only thing I see is well,me.I don't know how describe myself physically,I'm not sure of my state mentally and I'm barely existent spiritually.Which is why I get excited when I receive affirmation letters or play the ice breaking games which involves a piece of paper taped to your back and getting anyone and everyone around you to write something about you with the luxury of anonymity.It never fails to amuse and amaze me as to what people think of me and I guess that's what makes me who I am.I am whoever people sees me to be.It's ironic because here I am trying to make a statement and make a mark on the world by being someone I want to be.But then again,the final decision remains with me whether I actually accept what another person thinks of me.

As far as I know,this is what I think of myself.I am an introvert who is easy going.I am naturally very shy and refuse to talk to a group of strangers unless it's absolutely necessary for example,on my first day of school when we're supposed to introduce ourselves.I am quite an opportunist but because I am a pessimist,I end up not taking the opportunity because of my fear of failure or rejection.I think I have a decent sense of humour,by humour I don't mean laugh-out-loud jokes,they're more of pun,sarcasm,one-liners and absolute nonsense.I choke on words or find myself not able to come up with something to talk about whenever I get nervous and tense.So if anyone encounters awkward silences between conversations with me,it's considered very normal.My overused excuse is that I'm more of a listener which is not entirely untrue by the way.I'd like to think that I am quite an intelligent person when it comes to general knowledge and when I decide to actually put my brain to good use which is quite a rarity.I have a just-fail level of self-esteem and is easily intimidated by people.However,I'm as stubborn as a mule and will never do something against my own set of beliefs that's moulded by my family,religion,friends and conscience.I have the ability to survive living in my own world without my already depleted social circle and is most commonly found wandering aimlessly by myself.If I can have a superpower,I'd want to read people's minds.

I have a habit of looking down on people especially people whom I am not very close to.I can get very judgemental on their actions,or lack thereof and appearance.I believe that people who falters under peer pressure has no backbone and has very little self-respect.I am pretty tolerant of people unless they start pushing my buttons and cross the line by insulting or not respecting me,my actions or decisions.I tend to blame myself for sparking a whole set of reactions from an action which may not exactly be mine.And finally,as much as I think I'm pathetic or that I'm leading a very meaningless life,I wouldn't trade it for the world.By the way,I'm not at all suicidal or even contemplating it because I'm happy where I am now as much as it seems like I'm complaining about it half the time.Please don't take me as an egoistical son of a gun who talks to myself about myself since I'm the one whose vulnerability is at stake here.


I and I...


I've got a stage and a mic
Which I use to say things you won't like
But I spent years thinking I was alone
(Thinking I was alone)
Now I know, now I know, that I'm not, that I'm not
And I'm sharing that comfort with those
Who think that hope is lost

Oh and I'm so proud of where I am
I'm learning where the stand or to tread lightly

So hold back
Steadfast you've gotta breathe
And be content, just count to ten
Like all the experts say and if
The drugs don't seem to work
Then they've got a padded room for you
To get your just deserve

If I could chose my own name
I'd chose something that's bold and fits
Like anger, aggression, or cunningly brash
By the skin of my teeth but with timing and class

Oh woe is me (Oh woe is me)
Oh woe were us (Oh woe were us)
But not anymore we stand up for ourselves
We're like captains at war, we'll get followed to hell

Oh and I'm so proud of where I am
I'm learning where the stand or to tread lightly

So hold back
Steadfast you gotta breathe
And be content, just count to ten
Like all the experts say and if
The drugs don't seem to work
Then they've got a padded room for you
To get your just deserve

I and I, we're taking control of our lives
I and I, we're taking control of our lives
I and I, we're taking control of our lives
Everything's alright
I and I, we're taking control of our lives
I and I, we're taking control of our lives
I and I, we're taking control of our lives
Everything's alright

So hold back (So)
Steadfast you've gotta breathe
And be content, just count to ten
Like all the experts say and if
The drugs don't seem to work
Then they've got a padded room for you
To get your just deserve...


I And I by Bayside.