Lost...

The past two days have been heavy.I think I'm such a selfish person,I thought that yesterday was the worst day of my life because I lost my phone which I really treasured.Here's how it happened,I was in the cab with Eugene and we dropped off at his house's bus stop,Telok Kurau Lorong M.7 seconds later,I realised how light my pocket was and I tried to grab hold of my phone and I shouted "Oh my God,I left my phone in the taxi".Immediately,I dropped my bag and my bass guitar and sprinted after the taxi in the middle of the road.Honestly,I thought I was faster than Usain Bolt.It stopped to pick up another passenger and continued it's journey.I thought I had a chance as it reaches the traffic light but it just have to stay green and so I gave up and ran back to Eugene.I asked him to call my handphone number and I spam called my own phone for probably twenty times.At first,noone picked it up but after a while they were rejected.I managed to get a breakthrough but I was talking to thin air because noone replied me.After countless more rejections the lucky person who found my phone,picked it up and said that he doesn't know how to speak English.So you tell me now whether he was actually telling the truth.

I don't think the driver would do something like that,but I can't directly point the finger to the passenger either.I reported the incident to the taxi company,Singtel and the police so I'm just going to wait for the best.I got myself a new phone,which is the exact same model as the one I lost because it's still on offer and I don't want my mom to spend so much money on buying me a new phone because it's my fault I lost the phone and I'm paying the price.I feel bad because I've to use my brother's plan instead and that means he has to wait for 2 years now to get his new phone at a cheaper price.After building up the trust over my past 17 years of not losing anything,my parents has probably lost most of it thanks to this incident.It was a lapse of concentration,a careless mistake that I shall never repeat again in my life,ever.Anyway,please drop me a message using any piece of technology there is so that I can record down your number again.Thank you very much.

And today,as I was waiting for the bus to the Singapore Expo,an old lady who was sitting beside me starting talking to me.She looked really frail and her voice was really soft.For some reason,I moved closer and tried listening to her.At first I was quite apprehensive because she started out by asking if I was a boy or a girl.And she started asking me other questions like what's my age,where do I live,what school do I go to and although I wasn't really comfortable with it,I realised how important I was after that.She started talking to me about how she's living alone and she's visiting her sister at an old folk's home in Tampines.She brought her sister 2 curry puffs for $1.60 each.And after talking for a little while more,she smiled toothlessly.I told her that her bus coming because she requested for me to and slowly,she stood up,she inched her way from the seat and into the bus.That was when I thought that maybe that little conversation we had,no matter how pointless,kept her company for a while.Sure,I was a stranger and my first impression could be that she was senile and I'm trying my best to entertain her but it was worth all of it,I guess.I didn't want to ask any personal questions because I didn't want her to think that I'm trying to invade her privacy but I can tell she's really lonely.Whether or not,whatever she said is true,didn't matter much in the end.It was the little lesson in life that amazed me.

When I finally reached home today,the first thing I did was to grab the newspaper because I didn't have the chance to read it in the morning.Something from the first page caught my eye,sure the headline is big news but what got me into the story even more was the picture.I thought the picture looked familiar and as I continue to read on,I was stunned.My worst fear came true,Mr Michael Puhaindran's wife was held hostage and killed by the terrorists in Mumbai.Instantly,I didn't feel like doing anything that I'd planned to do earlier in the day and my first reaction was to check with my fellow church friends and the piece of paper that contains the catechists' name and contact number for my confirmation class.After making sure that my sources are extremely reliable,I slowly digested the news.It was tragic and surely a cruel way to mark the end of someone's life.Michael was one of the catechist for my batch and though he was teaching the Sunday class,I did have a few chance to talk to him and of course,I remembered playing soccer in camp last year in which the ball actually struck his side mirror and broke it.I've always remembered him as a patient,quiet yet sharp person who has this sort of inspiring positive aura around him.Surely he doesn't deserve to lose his wife after only a year of marriage?It felt just like yesterday that my friend told me about their wedding and how nice she was when they came over to their place.It pains me to see the outcome of what could have been a perfect,loving family.

Which is why I thought I was a selfish asshole last night for thinking it was the worst day of my life just because I lost a handphone.Sure I lost all my contacts,my messages and my pictures which I desperately need for my project dued on Wednesday.Besides,I deserved it because I was careless.On the other hand,Michael doesn't deserve any of this and I'm sure he is devastated as anyone would be after losing their loved ones.Here's my biggest condolences to Mr Michael Puhaindran and family,God bless them through this hard times and always.I will keep him and his family in my prayer and I hope you guys will do the same.


Lose,losing,lost...


I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw
The writing that was on the wall
If I'd only knew
The days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying

Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears
Upon your face
I hardly recognized
The girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
Mmm,it's not too late

Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Til the light comes pouring through
Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your world's crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said, babe, you're not lost

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Though things have seemed to change
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly, fly, fly away

Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Til the light comes pouring through
Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When the world's crashing down
And you cannot bear the cross
I said, baby, you're not lost
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
Ouh, yeah yeah
I said, baby, you're not lost...


Lost by Michael Bublé.

The Coldest Heart...

This is the first in a really long time that I abandoned my blog for a week.I'm sure all of you are familiar with the sudden surge of things to be done and the shitty tests although I'm considered lucky to not have exam weeks like other tertiaries.But that doesn't mean I'm slacking my butts off the last few weeks of the term,we have unofficial exam weeks with the CA papers and project deadlines stretching every bit of my brain cell.As soon as the holiday starts,I'm going to head down to my ex-favourite chillax hang out and stone there for the next few ages.And then,I'll visit a rather foreign area and snap some pictures to put up on Flickr or maybe I might end up visiting the place earlier if my next photography assignment is appropriate enough.And then I'll take myself to every single Mrt station and get myself lost dicovering all kinds of weird and never before seen places.Only then will I return Adam's Dslr and jet off to Indonesia for Christmas.

Again,it's going to be my first in a really long time that I'm actually celebrating Christmas in my home country although there isn't much difference as the condition here since there's no snow either.The only difference is that I've got to see my family and savour the mood with those whom I've rarely spend time with.Now that is a potential Mastercard moment right there.As usual,there's not going to be any big parties.It's going to be a quiet evening in which we just soak in the festive season with the ones we truly loved and not become unproductive stupidities like getting wasted.Getting wasted in ice cream is allowed though,just not alcoholic stuff.Some may call me boring and unhip but hey,it's my life.I think alcohol is best when you enjoy them sparingly,that way you won't get addicted and you get to really make the moment worth all the wait.Sure,Christmas only comes a year,but hold that liquor because in a couple of days,you're going to have to pop another bottle/can/jug(depending on what you drink) to welcome the new year so that's not sparingly already.Anyway back to the visit back home,I'm going to haunt the shopping malls for cheap goodies especially clothes and a new school bag.Plus,I'm going to swallow all the good food because I'm starting to crave for them yet again.

At the same time,my cousin from America will be dropping by Singapore and then to Indonesia to meet the folks of his future fiancee.I remembered mentioning him and his long-distance girlfriend who is working here in my previous post though it must have been eons ago.Boy am I glad to see another celebratory moment so I pray that everything will go smoothly.In exchange for all my luck and best wishes,he's going to deliver me some awesome stuff from the U S and A and I can't wait to receive them because I've been waiting for them since forever.Hopefully,he managed to get them for me too.Of course,I won't kill him if he didn't because he's doing me a favour after all so I should be grateful if he did and thankful that he took the trouble to even look for them.I shall reveal the early Christmas presents when and if I receive them.

Anyway,I shall end off the post with a little rant on the December plans.After my three weeks holiday,I'll have to go back to school for a few stinking days 29 and 30 December and 2nd January if Joshua's right that it's not a holiday still.This is definitely the most anti-climatic part of this post.I could've spent the new year in Indonesia for the first time in half of my lifespan but no,polytechnic chose not to declare that week off.Still,I'm satisfied much because unlike Temasek Polytechnic,we SP-ians get to enjoy 3 solid weeks of holiday.So take that Jialin and Ryan,hah.I'm praying for another cold week ahead.


With each passing day,his heart grew colder just like the progression from autumn to winter...


A couple of years and I'm a silhouette
My halo is broken now and I'm all that's left
I hate to disappoint but it's the way things went
I was bound to the things I did
And after what was said
Tie up these loose ends
These voices are calling me out
I've got the solution
You can feed me to something
That is leaving this doubt

Whoa, I'm losing hope
There's a hole in my heart
That's been cut out of stone
Whoa, cold comes, cold goes
Could you fill this hole?
Cause I can't do it alone

A couple of tears and I'm a broken mess
The sadness has taken me far too deep in regret
So sing me a song about something good
My heart's on the thrashing floor
And I've done every single thing I could
I use to believe in aome kind of feeling
That could change everything I thought I knew
But that door is closed and my heart feels like it's frozen
If you hear me I can't feel you

Whoa, I'm losing hope
There's a hole in my heart
That's been cut out of stone
Whoa, cold comes, cold goes
Could you fill this hole?
Cause I can't do it alone

The coldest heart can be brought to life
When it's thrown into the fire of goodbyes
The coldest heart can be brought to life
When it's thrown into the fire of goodbyes
The coldest heart can be brought to life
(Can be brought to life)
When it's thrown into the fire of goodbyes
The coldest heart can be brought to life
When it's thrown into the fire of goodbyes

Whoa, I'm losing hope
There's a hole in my heart
That's been cut out of stone
Whoa, cold comes, cold goes
Could you fill this hole?
Cause I can't do it alone

Whoa, I'm losing hope
There's a hole in my heart
That's been cut out of stone
Whoa, cold comes, cold goes
Could you fill this hole?
Cause I can't do it alone

I've got the coldest heart
I've got the coldest heart
(Cause I can't do it alone)
I've got the coldest heart
I've got the coldest heart...


The Coldest Heart by The Classic Crime.

I Am Still Running...

And there he was,on his knees.Watching the sand slowly slipping away from his clutching fingers.He had nowhere to go,no one to talk to and nothing to believe in.All he could see was mountains of sand staring blankly back at his weary eyes.With the sun setting and the thought of another harsh sandstorm approaching,he stood up and continued his journey.One which started out with much hope and has now become nothing more than a mirage of the foregone past.The battles with his inner demons,the bruise and battering and the countless tears he fought have weakened him to the very bones.Exhausted but unwilling to give in just yet.

With his last breath he whispered,"I am...still...running...de..ar..."


You remember me before I learned to run
At the kissing tree before I learned my guns
We were seventeen, seventeen years young
I am still running, I am still running

I had no idea the pain would be this strong
I had no idea the fight would last this long
In my darkest fears rights become the wrongs
I am still running, I am still running
I am still running, I am still running

Build me a home inside your scars
Build me a home inside your song
Build me a home inside your open arms
The only place I ever will belong

I am still running, I am still running
I am still running, I am still running

Build me a home inside your scars
Build me a home inside your song
Build me a home inside your open arms
The only place I ever will belong
The only place I ever will belong
Inside your open arms
The only place I ever will belong...


I Am Still Running by Jon Foreman.

The Only Difference Between Martyrdom And Suicide Is Press Coverage...

Life is made up of fine lines.I'm not saying there's a fine line between life and death,since those are stark contrast of each other.What I'm referring to are things that are based on everyone's unique way of interpretation.Just like art,there's no right or wrong,it's just how you choose to view things and of course,there's only two ways that people respond to it.Either they like it,or they don't.I saw an article on Singapore Biennale and was rather amused to see a chewing gum masterpiece.I guess Singaporeans have forgotten how a chewing gum looked like after the ban of sales as to regard this a masterpiece.The creator is supposed to have picked that out of 10 specimens which leaves me pondering,how much does he/she earned from showcasing this work of marvel?More surprisingly,I wonder how someone can get paid for chewing 10 pieces of gum one at a time.Like hello,I can do it too.The only thing I won't be able to do,is to get the same shape or texture as the 'artist' because only God knows how much time he spent practising his art.On a more positive note though,I'll give the artist some kudos for standing out and actually appreciate the beauty of a chewed up gum because well,the only times you actually notice them are when you're smuggling them inland,chewing them or one of them got stuck to the sole of your shoes.Now that's seeing the world in a different view alright.

It's another fine line comparing a genius from a total idiot.If you watch Armageddon,yes the asteroid movie featuring Bruce Willis,you can take the character of Rockhound played by Steve Buscemi because he pretty much summarises my description.I'm sure Albert Einstein was considered a freak by some people during his time but without him,E would never be MC squared.My message is obvious,everyone of you here has the ability to do something and you continue to do it no matter how much other people say you suck at it.Because I'm very sure you'll hit a gem amongst the crap.What I'm referring to here,is your own point of view's definition.If you think it's awesome,it is awesome.You don't need affirmation from other people saying how awesome it is because we're in a world of individuals,regardless of family ties; not even if you've got a twin.Sure it's nice to have some praise from strangers,friends and families but I don't think it's necessary because we rule our own mind.If you have an idea which you think is amazing,just go for it,that's how I did my first assignment of IDEAS and I can tell you,it works best when you believe in the product.When you believe in it,convincing another person on how good it is will be a breeze.So if anyone ever called you an idiot,say thanks and tell yourself,I'm halfway there(there being a genius).

Which leads me to my next point,there's a fine line between doing what's right and what's wrong.I think laws are a little bit too extreme in defining what's right and what's wrong.It makes us not do certain things because the law said so,which really doesn't really leave a good aftertaste in your mouth(no,I wasn't referring to chewing gums).More often than not,because of this law that disallows us to do certain things,we become more eager to actually do it.As a Catholic,the ten commandments are a good example of laws you should follow.The 7 deadly sins are to be avoided at all costs and I'm left feeling dirty because of how much sins I've accounted for.In no way am I supporting the government of Holland for giving their citizens the rights to do what their heart desires,I think I'll get killed the moment my plane touched down.Again,since everyone's got their own definition on what's right and what's wrong,I think it's fair to say that conscience are the major players in our decision-making process.It can be as simple as 'is it right to buy this cd instead of the other?' though in our heads we simplify the question to just 'this one or that one ah?'.Of course sometimes we try to blur out the negative side of it and we decide on which is the better option because they're both good.

Anyway,just to sidetrack a little bit.I've added the follower gadget in my blog so for all you readers,I'm encouraging you to add yourself in as well.I'm not really expecting a big turnout,I just thought it'll be nice to track who actually comes here and reads my junk.And who knows,you might be lucky enough to get some nice exposure on my posts like this:
josie. all of this says:
JO'S THE AWESOMEST GORGEOUS SEXIEST HOTTEST BABE ON EARTH!
Ok,see,I did what she told me to do; write that whole line down but since she didn't limit me from using her nick,I included it.

Back to the topic,if I were to ever work in the media industry,I will have a hard time dealing with my intuition.Journalists are supposed to follow the golden rule of 'the audience have the rights to know' but yet,what actually makes the news are somewhat filtered out.No,I'm not riotting against the government or something,I'm just saying.And I actually don't see how those people actually rates movies and cds in newspapers or magazines.I mean,if someone were to rate a movie as 1 star out of five,and you went to watch it anyway,and you feel that 5 out of 5,does that mean you're shallow because a movie critic thinks that it's just another lame show?I think it's ridiculous to rate something that no 2 people can agree on because of the difference in culture,lifestyle,upbringing,experiences and the list goes on.So to end it off and conclude,I'm sitting on the fence because my stand is to do just that when it comes to communication.And the only difference between martyrdom and suicide is press coverage...


Sit tight, I'm gonna need you to keep time
Come on just snap, snap, snap your fingers for me
Good, good now we're making some progress
Come on just tap, tap, tap your toes to the beat

And I believe this may call for a proper introduction, and well
Don't you see, I'm the narrator, and this is just the prologue

Swear to shake it up, if you swear to listen
Oh, we're still so young, desperate for attention
I aim to be your eyes, trophy boys, trophy wives

Swear to shake it up, and you swear to listen
Oh, we're still so young, desperate for attention
I aim to be your eyes, trophy boys, trophy wives

Applause, applause, no wait, wait
Dear studio audience, I've an announcement to make
It seems the artists these days are not who you think
So we'll pick back up on that on another page

And I believe this may call for a proper introduction, and well
Don't you see, I'm the narrator and this is just the prologue

Swear to shake it up, if you swear to listen
Oh, we're still so young, desperate for attention
I aim to be your eyes, trophy boys, trophy wives

Swear to shake it up, and you swear to listen
Oh, we're still so young, desperate for attention
I aim to be your eyes, trophy boys, trophy wives

Swear to shake it up, you swear to listen
Swear to shake it up, you swear to listen
Swear to shake it up, you swear to listen
Swear to shake it up, swear to shake it up

Swear to shake it up, if you swear to listen
Oh, we're still so young, desperate for attention
I aim to be your eyes, trophy boys, trophy wives

Swear to shake it up, if you swear to listen
Oh, we're still so young, desperate for attention
I aim to be your eyes...


The Only Difference Between Martyrdom And Suicide Is Press Coverage by Panic! At The Disco.

About A Girl...

I'm not gonna waste this words, about a girl...


One song about a girl
Can't breathe when I'm around her
I'll wait here everyday
In case she scratch the surface
She'll never notice

I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl

Last night I knew what to say
But you weren't there to hear it
These lines so well rehearsed
Tongue tied and overloaded
You'll never notice

I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl

I'm not in love
This is not your song
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl

To be loved, to be loved
What more could you ask for?
To be loved, to be loved
Everyone wants
To be loved, to be loved
What more could you ask for?
To be loved, to be loved
Everyone

I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words

I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl

I'm not in love
(To be loved, to be loved
What more could you ask for?)
This is not your song
(To be loved, to be loved
Everyone wants)
I'm not gonna waste these words
(To be loved, to be loved)
About a girl...


About A Girl by The Academy Is...

I Dare You To Move...

A little update on the recent and upcoming happenings,Digital Video Production and Application's first assignment went pretty well.Next up,Fundamental of Economics tomorrow which I absolutely abhor.Innovation,Design,Enterprise in Action on thursday which I hope I can do pretty well in too.I think some of my creations are overtly creative and I actually am proud of what I came up with.One small problem though will be coming up with final product which has to the small size of the same design.Hopefully,I can come up with something tomorrow because I believe I'm going to be half-dead by tomorrow evening.

The biggest news of the day has got to be me deciding to go for the hockey trial tomorrow.Yes,you read that right.Me and hockey are like world's apart but hey,it's going to be fun.I haven't exercised the last time my secondary school friends and I attempted to play streetsoccer a long way back,it took me mere minutes to find myself out of breath.I hope hockey's as fun as it looks,since they're so similar to soccer in terms of playing style.To me,it's football with a stick.Ok,that turned out wrong but you get the point.

Hmmm,let's see,oh SavingSomeone's recording on friday.Can't wait to hear the end results and I think it's going to be fun recording despite the heartaches for cash.The Esplanade's acoustic on December 1st is as good as confirmed and we should be playing at Cineleisure on another December date.Ahmad Adam's going to see if he can't help rope us in for the prom night show of his secondary school though we have no relations whatsoever with the school.My side project's on hold now until I'm much free-er which is good because we can't even come up with a name.I shall update more about it once all the small details are finalised.I shall shamelessly promote it in my blog and link it once the myspace is up which is going to take forever.

Random thoughts number 1,I feel like eating popcorn chicken.Number 2,I feel like watching August Rush again.Number 3,I'm running out of ideas after IDEAS module.Number 4,songwriting mode is on leave.Have been mood-less and inspiration-less to come up with lyrics.Number 5,my blog posts are getting stale.Number 6,I'm running out of random thoughts.Lucky number 7,and tomorrow I'll dare myself to move...


Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here

Everyones watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next
What happens next

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here

Between who you are
And who you could be
Between how it is
And how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move like today never happened
Today never happened

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself
Where are you gonna go?
Where are you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before...


I Dare You To Move by Switchfoot.

Disappear...

I wish I could to disappear for a while...


We're the last of the sleepless ones
Left behind by those we left behind tonight
Quiet now, let the boys in take
Were we always just your lost cause mistakes?

Wait for me, will you wait for me?
I need you on my side
Way for me, make way for me?
With arms wide

Alone, left alone
Watch us slowly disappear with time
Alone, still alone
Forgotten, lost, and left behind

Dark lit streets are no place for kids
But it gives us more of a home than you ever did
We're the silentists left to our own demise
You're still our last chance to get out of this place alive

Wait for me, will you wait for me
With arms wide?

Alone, left alone
Watch us slowly disappear with time
Alone, still alone
Forgotten, lost, and left behind

Alone, left alone
Watch us slowly disappear in time

Alone, left alone
Watch us slowly disappear with time
Alone, still alone
Forgotten, lost

We're left alone, left alone
Watch us slowly disappear with time
Alone, still alone
Forgotten, lost and left behind...


Disappear by Anberlin.